Have you ever been deep in conversation with your partner, only for them to suddenly glance at their phone? Or maybe you’ve been guilty of doing the same? While it may seem like a harmless habit, research suggests that phubbing—snubbing someone by paying attention to your phone instead—can seriously damage relationships.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology highlights how this modern-day behaviour leads to emotional distance, relational aggression, and a weakening of social support between couples. Keep reading as we understand deeper.
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What is phubbing?
Phubbing, a combination of “phone” and “snubbing,” happens when a person uses their phone during meaningful moments with their partner—whether at the dinner table, during an intimate conversation, or even while watching a movie together. This repeated behaviour can leave the ignored partner feeling unvalued and disconnected, leading to long-term consequences in the relationship.
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What does the science say?
The study sheds light on the emotional impact of phubbing, explaining that being ignored by a phone can make partners feel neglected, triggering feelings of frustration and resentment. Over time, these negative emotions contribute to relational aggression—a non-physical form of aggression where individuals emotionally distance themselves, withdraw affection, or even engage in passive-aggressive behaviours such as purposefully ignoring their partner or making hurtful remarks.
Interestingly, the study found that women are more emotionally impacted by phubbing than men. When a woman feels ignored due to her partner’s phone use, she perceives a lack of emotional support, which may lead her to react in ways that further strain the relationship, such as becoming distant, disengaged, or even retaliatory. While men also experience relational aggression due to phubbing, their emotional response is generally less tied to a perceived lack of support.
The importance of digital boundaries
While smartphones are an essential part of modern life, this research highlights the importance of setting boundaries when it comes to phone use in relationships. Making a conscious effort to put the phone away during meals, conversations, and intimate moments can help partners feel valued and supported, strengthening emotional bonds rather than breaking them.
At the end of the day, relationships thrive on attention, communication, and emotional connection. So, the next time you reach for your phone while spending time with your partner, ask yourself—is that notification more important than the person sitting beside you?
