Well, this Valentine’s Day, you’ll find everyone waxing poetic about unconditional love, everyone seeking it. But almost no one speaks about getting or giving unconditional love.
People forget that unconditional love requires a high degree of spiritual maturity. In fact, all of us have a need to both love and be loved. As long as the need for love is there, one cannot give unconditional love, especially if one’s own need for love is not met.
Therefore, it is too idealistic and unrealistic for people to think that many of us will be able to give or receive unconditional love. Generally, the pattern is something like this: “I need you, therefore I love you.” A little bit more mature stance would be, “I love you, therefore I need you.” To be able to give unconditional love, one has to come to a level of saying, “I don’t need you, but I still love you.” Realistically, how many can reach this point?
As human beings, we have a need to love, be loved, and be loving. All of us are capable of being loving to someone else (I’m talking romantically here), and we can also be lovable. Therefore, if two people can be lovable to each other and be loving to each other, then one can have a realistically healthy relationship. There will be conflicts, there will be challenges, and there will be great times as well. It can be an emotionally satisfying and fulfilling relationship for both.
This is a very healthy form of love, and this can be aspired to by most human beings, unless there are psychological issues with respect to self-love, etc., which can be taken care of. So, if this much is there, it can be a great relationship. For unconditional love, one has to be free from the need for love itself, and that can happen only with a lot of spiritual growth.
Therefore, on Valentine’s Day, I wish a lot of love to everyone. Let everyone be loving and lovable.
The writer is the founder of Aarsha Vidya Foundation. He can be reached at [email protected].
