Backdrop:
Elders must remember that they are past their prime in terms of physical health as well as cognitive abilities. They, therefore, should avoid doing certain things they were accustomed to doing in their childhood or youth; at the same time, the elderly, while not being able to do certain things they were once capable of doing, often blame themselves. This is another thing they must not do. They must remember that life is a journey, and it has its own ups and downs. The best way to lead life is to enjoy every moment of it and move on.
However, the elderly must appreciate that considering their age and physical / mental strength, there is a boundary or limit within which they need to operate on and certain things they must not do / engage in.
The seven (7) major things the elderly should avoid doing are given as under:
Doing heroic work:
Elders must understand that they are not physically as fit as they used to be in younger days. We may feel we are physically / mentally fine but the situation is quite different. The elderly, therefore, must avoid doing heroics like getting up on a table / stool to clean the house or remove the bag kept up or trying to walk up a tough and steep road or crossing the road while red lights are still on. These are some illustrative examples. What it implies is that we must not venture to do things that do not suit our age.
Elders should be calculative and decide in mind what they should and what they should not keep in mind their age. Any heroics can lead to serious problems like falls, fracture, spinal disorder, road accidents, and other dangerous consequences. This also includes tough physical exercises like gym for a long time or jogging, etc. This does not mean that the elderly should lead a passive life. They should do walking and other tolerable exercises including mild-impact and stretchable ones according to their age and should not venture into any extreme.
Spending time idly or leading a passive life:
This is another problem area. Elders often feel they have done enough and therefore, it is time to relax and spend time idly. Relaxation: “yes” but spending time idly: “a definite no”. The reason is simple; an idle passing of time for some days or few weeks is fine. But after that life becomes too monotonous and we lose the energy to do anything. We see many elderly people do not know how to spend time; they become nervous and anxious as they get up every day. Spending time idly without any “end in mind” or “purpose” is something like a “ship without a captain”.
The elderly need to develop a purpose of life whatever may be the age. This could be anything from learning a new subject including music or painting or gardening, among others. Spending time idly is one sure way to slowly kill our life and living. One should lead as active life as possible till the end.
Being socially not connected:
It is often seen that many elders live a lonely and withdrawn life being both physically as well as mentally away from everyone. Physically, it may not be possible for the elderly to be with children or friends; but that does not mean that they cannot interact with them either through phone or maybe at monthly meetings. Being socially not connected is inviting loneliness that may result in serios consequences like “depression” and “anxiety”.
Being in friendship with people with negative mindset:
Attitude plays a very important role in life’s journey. Positive attitude always helps elderly tide over the problem issues of lie with a sense with a sense of detachment and smile in the face. And in this endeavor, people surrounding play a very important role. If a person is surrounded by people / friends with negative mindset, there is a strong probability of developing an attitude that can aggravate the negative feeling and facilitate developing a negative outlook to life. It is always desirable that the elders remain away from such people with a negative mindset.
Gifting property to children while alive:
This is a serious mistake. Right approach is to bequeath the property on death to successors; but not giving it away through “gift” while still being alive. There have been several cases in India of elder abuse and being driven away from their own homes after such gifting. Though there is a legal provision now to reclaim such gifted property, it is a long-drawn process. The best way is to enjoy the property while one lives, make a will to gift it to the spouse after you are no longer there and then give it away to your children / others as you like. Do not make the mistake of giving away the property to children while you are alive. This in certain cases can lead to serious consequences.
Interfering in matters of children:
While we become old, our children have grown up much beyond adulthood, settled in life and can take their own decisions. Value systems have also undergone dramatic transformation over a period. The axiom, therefore, should be to let the children take their own decisions for their own matters & life. We should give advice, only & only, if asked for. Everyone should take care of their own destiny, and the elders should remain “distant mentors” as any unsolicited advice often leads to misunderstanding and resultant problems. “Live and let live” should be the ideal principle. The elderly should try to be independent and inter-dependent and should not attempt to push their ideas on others.
Regretting for the past:
This is the most unwanted thing. The past is dead and gone and we can never alter or rectify it. There is, therefore, no point in discussing or expressing regret over the past. Many of our problems / pain points arise as we start looking at our past: professional as well as personal life and regret some of the decisions we have taken. It is of no sense as we cannot rectify the same. It is always better to forget the past and move forward. The bitterness of the past can only lead to self-destruction. It is thus always wise to be away from it.
Way Forward:
All of us must remember that life is a journey; it is very short & crisp. We are only travelers on this journey; we embark and then disembark whenever destiny desires. We would experience and enjoy life and its every moment. There are always dos and don’ts for everyone. The above pointers are obvious don’ts for the elderly making their life happy.
Authored by Dr A K Sen Gupta, Chief Trustee, My Retired Life Foundation (MRLF). He may be contacted at [email protected] or 98211 28103.
