I grew up in a society where spending time alone is looked down upon. But the idea of a solo date changed me. It helped me grow. It made me learn more about myself.
Vanshika Paharia, CFA, risk management professional at UBS, 23 years old, believes solo dates empower and make you feel independent, “They allow you to indulge in hobbies, activities, cuisines, movies, etc. that you like, without having to wait for company. You can have wider experiences that you would have otherwise missed had you been dependent on someone to give you company.”
Solo dating is having fun with yourself. There should be no purpose behind a solo date, believes Sukanya Ghosh, a Brand Marketing specialist who loves to read, trek, cook, and geek out on podcasts. She is in her 40s and a mother of a teenager. “I like hanging with myself. That’s why I’m going on a solo date. Even during my college days, I used to go to movies on my own and watch plays on my own. I believe that people go out on solo dates because they love hanging out with themselves. I never found myself doing things on my own, awkward.”
People, especially in India, find it awkward to spend time alone with themselves. It’s a taboo in our society. It’s been a long time now that people realise that prioritising your own company over others is an act of self-love.
Rituparna Chatterjee, an author of the books An Ordinary Life and The Water Phoenix amongst several others and a journalist, recalls how she used to spend time with herself back in the days when she was in college and never did she ever felt awkward doing that, “Growing up in Bombay, I got accustomed to taking a long walk at sunrise by the waterfront outside my home in Carter Road, before waiting for my bus to take me to Sophia College. I often walked by myself near my college, amongst the beautiful houses on Altamount Road. When I got hungry, I ate by myself at the endless Ir. cafes, Candies in Bandra, cafes in Colaba, and Shiv Sagars and Sai Sagars across Bandra and town and so on. It is important to note that these are places I frequented separately with friends as well. Not once did I feel awkward, or people staring at me as a single girl in the early 2000s.”
What do you do when you are spending time alone? This is a common question that every Independent, mostly women, face when they take a trip by themselves or just go for a dinner or a movie, “if you go for a meal by myself people are like “Akele chalegaye khane. Hame bula lete.” (You went for a meal by yourself. You could have called me?) So people do find it strange.,” says Ghosh.
The experience of going on a solo date and its me.ng can be different for different people. For Vanshika Paharia, solo dating means “Doing something you love doing and being comfortable in your skin, without hesitation because you have learnt that solo dating does not mean you are lonely. Solo dating means the opposite in fact. It means that you are never lonely if you have your own company or the company of a book.”
Solo dating is an act of self-love, believes Chatterjee, “Loving yourself means staying in the present. The most expensive thing is to give someone your total and complete attention, focus and presence. I am a married woman and I have a very hectic life. My self-love is my presence with myself. I won’t go on solo dates when I have a heartbreak. I will go regardless.”
Dr Shefali Batra, a psychiatrist, a TEDx speaker and author defines solo date, “In today’s life, nothing is healthier than a solo date. Why do we call this dating? Romanticism has been associated with dopamine release. Hence solo dating means developing a romantic relationship with yourself.”
Solo dating helps in healing. Dr Batra explains how “How can you be lost alone when you have yourself? We call self-esteem, and we call self-confidence, and we call self-love. So obviously we have to give it to ourselves. If someone else has heard us, and we do something that nourishes us, nurtures us, and enhances self-growth, then obviously, it will be healing, right? That is what solo dates do.” She even advises her patients to go on solo dates.
Rituparna Chatterjee recalls her trip to Ladakh, “When I was in Ladakh, in 2006. I used to walk from the guest house to downtown Leh, for solo meals and coffee. I was in so much presence and was soaking the vibes.”
Paharia believes her perfect solo trip is going to Marine Drive and a book shop in the Fort, “Reading at Marine Drive, walking around Fort and Churchgate, bookstore hopping from Flora Fountain’s roadside sellers to Kitab Khana, a cup of coffee at KMC.”
Ghosh likes a solo date where she can hear her inner voice, “Some place where there’s not loud music. When I can hear the sound of my thoughts. Preferably out in nature. Sometimes it can even be my bathroom or my balcony. Sometimes like in a cafe. My favourites could be movie dates, coffee dates or under a tree in a park. “
Chatterjee believes that “Self-love is not buying yourself jewellery or a car. Self-love is being with yourself, and it doesn’t need money. And that’s the most expensive thing.”
Self-love and self-importance are essential, and solo dating is just one part of it. The rise in the trend of self-comp.onship, spending time with self, is helping a lot of self-healing. It helps us become our friends. Thus we become emotionally independent.
