Shaheen is fond of rhythm and blues (R&B) as far as musical genres go but she mentioned rock ’n’ roll in her dating app bio. Nakul loves romcoms while watching movies but he inputted action and spy thrillers in its place as his favourites. Quite possible, that both are in the mood of contra-dating.
Did you ever feel the need to enhance your dating site profile with nuggets of information that don’t really define the typical ‘you’ or reflect your true persona? In fact, the uploaded data packages your credentials in such a way that the same appears alluring to the set of daters that fathomably lies outside your familiar zone or is simply not your type. This trend of sweetening the pot with flexible profile promotion is creating a lot of buzz in both online and onsite dating culture.
Outside comfort zone
The contra-dating trend can widen the horizon of possibilities in searching and choosing prospective partners of opposite nature and with contrasting interests for a date.
“This could be fascinating as you tend to bump into someone with varied wavelengths in lieu of a known character who albeit being on the same page with you might unfortunately come across as a big bore. Often like-mindedness induces monotony, while unlike poles usually attract and seem exciting to connect with. I’m really intrigued about this latest dating pattern,” shares Naina Barot, an undergraduate psychology student.
In the process of swiping left or right on a dating app to browse a list of probable matches that could spice up your rendezvous ahead, chances are that you might end up inviting people who are a perfect foil for you or are positioned at the opposite end of your universe. This might open up a new avenue, another facet of life and eventually help you discover the unknown sides to yourself as you pretend to have inclinations or hobbies unlike what your original self pursues in reality.
Notwithstanding the boundaries that you have set so far, your likes and dislikes could undergo cosmetic changes or be modified to accommodate the other person’s preferences and who knows, one day you might be trying your hand at bowling in an alley of a clubhouse instead of attending a reputed author’s title launch at a premium city bookstore or an exhibition at an art gallery or a theatrical performance in an auditorium, which the culture vulture in you normally does.
On one hand, you are introduced to your sporty side, while on the other, you get those misgivings about settling for someone drastically so different or in some cases, may be inferior to your predetermined standards. Hence, there are both pros and cons of this ‘situationship’ wherein you are yet to put a tag on the relationship status with a label of commitment but are still doubtful about its future.
“I’m curious about such dating syndromes where your mind dilly dallies but your heart doesn’t feel the urge to run away from it at the same time. You just continue to enjoy its vibe, explore it further and deeper, and love its feel-good energy on the whole. It just acts as a dopamine for you. There is thrill and suspense but no surety,” opines Kuldeep Mehra, an IT professional, who had already gone on a blind date via a leading virtual dating platform.
More the merrier
Given that beauty, handsomeness and perfection are qualities that stay in the eyes of the beholder, the concept of open casting, which sounds like an extension of contra-dating, comes to the fore. It broadens the base of potential partners with diverse options no matter how sharply dissimilar he or she appears to be.
Both physical and mental compatibility is imperative for any relationship to work and last long, especially if it’s a marital union. But what if a comp.on-hunter aims to view beyond the straightforwardness and mundaneness of life and make things purposely complicated as Harrison Ford’s character in the Hollywood flick Six Days Seven Nights tells his leading lady and love-interest portrayed by Anne Heche in the concluding scene of the comic caper? It suddenly dawns upon him that they might not be the ideal pair on this planet but an odd couple who can complement each other with their incongruent dispositions.
Therefore, the crux of the matter is that better not play safe. Rather wriggle out of your comfort zone and proceed with an open mind to coalesce bonds built on trust, loyalty and respect.
Best bet?
All said and done, is it worth the investment of one’s time, emotion and efforts that are so diligently put in making partner choices? After all, it isn’t easy to simulate an image that is strikingly distinct from one’s own. Whether contra-dating could be the sole route to experience authentic love and gain inspiration from your significant other, only time will tell as each individual’s romantic journey is different from his/her neighbour. However, just trying to realign yourself with a fresh perspective is admirable and appreciative.
This unique approach would encourage adding a novel dimension to one’s character, develop self-awareness and completely rejig the common perception about dating.
“Today’s dating generation of youngsters is like a busy bee, governed by the internet round the clock. They know how to leverage its applications and crack its cryptic codes to make it thrive to their advantage. Even with all the risks of online dating, the contra option has become the oft-pressed button and the most common way to meet the would-be other-halves,” observes noted sex and relationship expert Tammy Nelson.
“Contra-dating is perfect for shaking things up. People are branching out and overlooking their obvious choices that seem plain and predictable. This is like adding a quirky twist to their tale of love and friendship,” explains Ravi Mittal, founder & CEO of QuackQuack, a leading Indian dating and matchmaking platform.
“If you are seeking partners with offbeat lifestyles and outlooks to lend a zing to your patent ways, you are of course then venturing to take risks. Readjusting the done-to-death relationship types and break-up patterns to taste different waters could be too adventurous but as they say, variety is the spice of life, one must restart from zero to wrap his/her head around something that appears challenging and strange. This not only aids in smashing the hackneyed partner-search cycle but also initiates the journey of finding someone who’s a genuine gem,” elaborates Mittal.
Mutable needs
Among the current dating trends, contra-dating is creating a lot of buzz because it shows how people’s attitudes around forging one-to-one liaisons are always in a flux.
“People have historically been attracted to spouses with common beliefs, shared background or identical ways of life. However, contra-dating demolishes this very concept, demonstrating how multitudinous people are embracing their differences as a means to depart from the preset notions and prejudices, thus paving their way for personal development and originality. The underlying goal of this interpersonal communication is to acclimatise one’s palate to myriad dishes on a global platter,” asserts Sybil Shidell, relationship manager, Gleeden (India), the first extra-marital dating website for those already married and committing adultery.
Obtaining a bird’s eye view of the world and hitting a mutual path despite discrepancies, daters on contra-dating platforms — whether in digital chat rooms or through face-to-face dialogues — are always drawn towards experimenting events that evoke disparate attributes and inconsistent demands rather than adhering to their premeditated norms.
Coming of age
The millennials and the Gen-Z prefer fixing their own matches and not by arrangement under parental guidance. “Well, contra-dating can denote a sign of true adulthood and independence. Selecting dates that are different like chalk and cheese from past affiliations may hint at your quest for somebody not so drop dead gorgeous in looks but with whom you may enter into a more realistic realm of long-term intimacy,” analyses Nelson, who’s a licensed couples’ therapist and the director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute.
A slow but steady stance clicks at times when the art of ‘simmer dating’ pays off. “It involves taking ample time in dating and getting to know someone before exchanging lifelong vows and making solemn promises. With so many options available online, both men and women are taking it slow to get up, close and personal before diving straight into the foreplay act. The ‘friends-with-benefits agreement’ is now being amended as ‘serious dating and me.ngful conversations’ first followed with biding time for intimacy later,” enlightens Nelson.
Mindful search
Love is not uni-dimensional and has different shades. So are relationships, which are multifaceted. Considering this truth of life, would then today’s ambitious daters be recommended to gamble on contra-dating?
One chooses a partner after much contemplation and sensible assessment of the factors involved to avoid repentance in the near future. People are nowadays asked to be more mindful of the smooth-talking wooers and the irresistible social media impact.
“Actually, partner selection is hinged on a lot of things, such as who you grew up with, what you watch in the media as well as your physical response to a person in reality. Talking online is a way different scenario than speaking to someone in person,” states Nelson.
Dope on Trending Dating Patterns
Apps like Bumble, Hinge, Match, OkCupid, Tinder, Eharmony, Happn, Coffee Meets Bagel, SilverSingles, Zoosk, Facebook Dating, Aisle, TrulyMadly, Mingle2, among others are generating a huge craze amid the dating community and are much-touted on social media. Some of the dating trends gaining momentum at the moment are given below:
1. Simmer Dating — Consumer survey samples prove that this trend is acquiring significant traction, especially among the Gen-Z. It’s a slow-paced approach to dating as in cooking on simmering fire or a low flame where daters are ditching the previously preferred rapid-fire matching and quick appointments and are opting for gradual buildups instead. Four in five users shifted to this sensible practice claiming that a relationship growing org.cally over time becomes more durable. This appeals to people who particularly value strong emotional bonds over romantic hook-ups.
2. Blank Canvassing — The year 2024 witnesses dating trends focusing on mental health and this one is no different. Daters are taking time to reflect on their past relationships, assess the effect of the same on their mental canvas, concentrate on moving on first and then ensure that they are never going to get back in similar love games under peer pressure or out of sheer FOMO.
3. R-Bombing — This new pattern is a strange case where a person you fall head over heels for reads your messages but doesn’t revert.
4. Eco-Dating — As people’s awareness of the environment grows, they carefully select partners who have similar sustainability goals. Eco-dating enables couples to connect over common environmental objectives, from selecting eco-friendly meeting locations to giving priority to low-waste activities.
5. Sneaky-Link Dating — The thrill of secrecy and low-key affairs is the main attraction of sneaky-link dating, which is especially popular during holiday seasons. Dating app members have discreet relationships or meet-ups, which add an element of surprise, suspense and mystery for them. It’s about keeping the spark alive while balancing social and familial obligations.
6. Extramarital Dating — Singles using extramarital dating apps can benefit from the anonymity that the same offers. This restricts visibility and accessibility to anyone and everyone on the app. It provides people with the luxury of dating in a protected and secure environment without the risk of stumbling upon an acquaintance out of the blue. Think of newly-divorced singles or people who just walked out of a relationship facing embarrassment at a public dating hub and presumably being left red-faced.
7. Intuitive Intimacy — For present-day daters, especially women, attraction boils down to emotional intimacy more than physical proximity. This is like emo-dating that looks to form a profound emotional connect. One honestly endeavours to hug true love instead of having a fling or a time pass.
8. Val-Core Dating — This lays an emphasis on active participation in social and noble causes like welfare politics, human rights issues and programmes for the common good. Some daters consciously look for prospective partners who are involved in social awareness drives and think this to be a cool quality of value-addition to pull them like a magnet.
9. Conscious Dating — This revolves around deep talks and candid discussions even on taboo topics like biting into the forbidden fruit. People are now more wary of who they are dating, pretty open about their mental well-being and prefer hanging out with partners who accept them as they are. This saves them from having superficial encounters.
10. Wanderlove — A dating trend where people extend their search for love like an elastic band outside their own acquainted and accustomed territories by making it more varied and flexible. It’s a strategy for those who feel bogged down by what’s in the offing within their local dens.
11. Avalanching — Sometimes, people suffering pains of alienation and pining for comp.onship become very desperate to look for partners, specifically before social festivities and celebratory occasions like the Valentine’s Day when love is felt in the air around and mushy overtures are strewn almost everywhere. Avalanching is such a behavioral pattern in the dating domain, which impels people to glance through the gallery and tick suitable profiles with courting messages in anticipation of tapping some interesting matches.
Avalanching may be depicted as a casual approach, more as a pastime during a definite phase. People willingly bend to compromise on their routine dating predilections and they prep for it. This could be a little dicey as daters tend to lower their expectations of searching perfect matches for them, thereby falling short of their conventional benchmark.
